Formula? Breastmilk? Both? There’s No Wrong Answer.

New parent? Trying to answer one deceptively simple question: how am I going to feed my baby?

I remember thinking there had to be a “right” answer. A best way. A plan I could stick to.

Recently on Stroller Coaster: A Parenting Podcast, Lynn Smith hosted a conversation with two mothers whose personal and very different stories leveled the philosophical playing field of how-to-best-feed with their real-life experience.

Meet Dr. Christie del Castillo-Hegyi,
Dr. Christie is a physician, mother, and founder of Fed Is Best. The organization is built around a simple but powerful notion: a baby’s most urgent need is nutrition.

Her experience reshaped how she practices, advocates, and talks about infant feeding. As a first-time mom, Dr. Christie did everything “right.” She was educated, committed, and determined to exclusively breastfeed. Her baby latched. He fed every three hours. On paper, everything looked fine, but he cried constantly when he wasn’t feeding. Like so many parents, she was told to push through and avoid formula if breastfeeding was going well. When she finally did a weighted feed with a lactation consultant, the truth was shocking: her baby was getting zero milk.

Her son suffered complications that could have been prevented with proper supplementation. It's heartbreaking that this is so normal, that parents aren't getting the message through all the noise around feeding.

First, the real takeaway: your baby doesn't need anything other than nutrition and love.
Second: parents, follow your instincts and listen to your baby.
Third: if your instinct says you need outside help, don’t wait. Enlist your pediatrician or hire a lactation consultant immediately.

How to recognize when a baby isn’t getting enough nutrition.

A well-fed baby:

• Has regular wet and dirty diapers
• Seems generally satisfied after feeding
• Is gaining weight appropriately

Potential red flags:

• Constant crying or feeding without satisfaction
• Latching and unlatching repeatedly
• Feeding every hour without settling
• Excessive weight loss (around 7% or more early on can signal concern)

Pay attention to weight loss. It is a tell-all symptom they are not getting enough nutrition and may be too weak to take a bottle. However—if you offer a bottle and your baby eagerly drinks it, that tells you they’re hungry! The most direct information comes directly from your baby.

Meet the author Nona Willis Aronowitz

Author, mother, and speaker Nona Willis Aronowitz wrote an opinion piece for the New York Times after the birth of her first child titled, “The Secret to Marriage Equality is Formula” debunking the emotional and relational reality of our infant feeding choices.

Like many of us, she assumed breastfeeding is just what you do, so she carried on and on and on and on until she felt like she was living on a nursing island a sea of milk away from her partner and the family they envisioned creating. Being the default parent eventually caught up with her as exhaustion while her partner, despite wanting to help, was naturally sidelined.

The result?

• Isolation
• Strain on her mental health
• And eventually, strain on her marriage

With their second baby, she made one intentional shift early on: they introduced formula within the first few weeks. Not instead of breastfeeding, but alongside it. That one decision reshaped everything!

Suddenly:

• Night feeds were shared
• Sleep became possible again
• Her partner bonded deeply with the baby

Parenting felt like a partnership

She describes it as the difference between surviving parenthood and actually experiencing it together. Nona’s perspective adds a layer that often gets overlooked: feeding affects the whole family dynamic, not just the baby. Her advice is refreshingly practical and often unspoken:

If exclusively breastfeeding unintentionally creates unequal dynamics—address it!

• Pumping isn’t always the easy workaround people assume
• Early decisions set patterns that are hard to undo later
• Have honest conversations before the baby arrives: feeding, workload, sleep, and partnership

What if you’re already in it? Adjust early. It’s much easier in week three than month twelve.

Formula? Breastmilk? Both?

If there’s one thing both of these stories make clear, it’s that there’s a range of right answers.

Breastmilk

• Offers immune benefits, especially early on
• Works beautifully for many families
• Can also be physically and logistically demanding

Formula

• Is safe, regulated, and nutritionally complete
• Can be essential for supplementation or full feeding
• Creates flexibility and shared responsibility

Both (combo feeding)

• Often the most realistic path
• Allows for adaptability as needs change
• Supports both baby’s nutrition and parent sustainability

Remember, above all else: fed is best.

Listen Here: Formula? Breastmilk? Both? There’s No Wrong Answer

* A heartfelt thank you to TARGET for their sponsorship of these special Stroller Coaster episodes.